THE MAJOR’S LIFE BLOG

I’m starting a new weekly feature here on ‘The Major’s Life Blog’. In the grande tradition of the ‘Life Pointe Church Sunday Morning Tossed Salad’, the ‘Tuesday Night Grab Bag O’ Thoughts’, and the ‘Friday Night Blogroll Review’ I now present to you the ‘Thursday Night Internet Hoax Hall-Of-Shame’.

It’s where I take a current (and recurring) internet hoax / urban legend / chain letter that keeps appearing within our E-MAIL inboxes, and expose it for what it’s worth. They are forwarded to us quite innocently enough by our friends and relatives, but they are simply not true.

Here’s this week’s edition:

A local South Florida radio station announced earlier this week on their popular morning show that if you don’t hurry up and register your cell phone number with the ‘National Do Not Call Registry‘ by Midnight on the 31ST of January then telemarketers all over the world would have free reign to call you and send you text messages (at your expense) to your cell phone.

THIS IS AN INTERNET HOAX !

This hoax has been circulating for the past 3½-years now, and it keeps popping up over and over again as something brand new that’s getting ready to happen. Not true.

Read all about it.

Here are some actual Thai restaurant names all across God’s Great Earth:

Beau Thai
High Thai
Just One Thai
Love Me Thai
Mai Thai
Mr. Thai
Old School Thai
Once Upon A Thai
Silk Thai
Tasty Thai
Thai Away Home
Thai A Yellow Ribbon
Thai-Inn
Thai Me Up
Thai One On
Thai Phoon
Thai Pinn
Thai Poon
Thai Rack
Thai-Rrific
Thai Soon
Thai Speed
Thai Stick
Thai Tanic
Thai The Knot
Thai This
That’s Thai
The Friendly Thai
The King & Thai
Tongue Thai
Try My Thai

Over the past 11 days we’ve only hit the 80°F mark once - last Thursday. We came close today - 78°F officially at Homestead ARB at 4 PM.

Get ready for an extended period of tranquil South Florida weather as we put the month of January to bed and usher in the month of February. For at least the next 7 to 10 days you can expect mostly sunny skies, virtually no rain, light tropical breezes from the east, southeast, and south, and no cold fronts. Daytime high temperatures will reach the lower-80s each day, and overnight low temperatures will hover in the mid-60s. It’s what we expect here in our subtropical paradise during this time of the year, and it’s what we’re getting. Get out there and enjoy it !

This is not me; however, if I ever feel the need to register a trademark with the United States Patent & Trademark Office then I can’t think of a better lawyer to represent me than one who has the same name as me.

I once thought about registering ‘MASSIVESMASH.COM‘, ‘Major Hitwaves’, and ‘The Major’ back when my web site was flying high at its peak about a decade ago, but I never followed through with it past the ‘thinking about it’ stage. Once upon a time the ‘MASSIVESMASH.COM’ domain name was worth tens of thousands of dollars, but then the ‘dot-com’ bubble popped. Nowadays the domain name is probably worth a mere hundred or so dollars. I was criticized back then for not selling out my identity on the web. I’m glad that I held strong and kept it. It was a fun 12-year ride, but this blog right here is my new passion.

Everyone’s waiting for Tuesday night here on my blog to see what’s on my mind this week, so here we go. Fasten your seatbelts. Hold on to the railings. Don’t look down.

1.  For those of you who think that you can’t train a cat you quite obviously never met my beloved Boots (1995-2007) - the smartest cat that ever lived. One time he threw my dirty socks in the dirty clothes basket. It was a one-time good deal. He just wanted to show me what he was capable of doing, but he wasn’t about to pick up after me on a regular basis.

2.  He or she who is always in a hurry, runs stop signs and red lights, and speeds out-of-control probably has high blood pressure and throws a lot of temper tantrums. Slow down. See a Doctor.

3.  Super Bowl XLII could be played on a chilly and rainy Sunday afternoon in the Arizona desert. I’m sure that’s not what the NFL bargained for when they awarded the Super Bowl to the University Of Phoenix Stadium back in 2003.

4.   There once was a mean and ferocious dog that terrorized the entire neighbourhood by the name of Tosha. She lived high atop a hill. Amittyville. It’s the house on the hill !

5.  You know what Homestead really needs ?  This place. The closest one is a good 25 miles away. Put one down here in Homestead on Campbell Drive and then save a seat for me at least once a week for Lunch.

6.  I’m going on a short little road-trip vacation during the upcoming Presidents Day Weekend over to Fort Myers and Naples. In addition to this event I also plan to visit this place and this place. It’s been awhile since I visited Florida’s Paradise Coast. It’s my goal to help get us out of this fake recession that we’re in by spending money in the good name of tourism.

7.  Hatred and Racism is alive and well within the comments that are frequently left behind by readers on The Miami Herald’s official web site.

8.  I have nearly 25 Life Pointe Church ball-point pens laying around my computer workstation here. The reason why I do not have 55 pens here is because I’ve recently returned 30 pens for redistribution. I’m a Compassionate Conservative.

9.  I voted for this guy via absentee ballot last week, but the fact of the matter is that whoever wins the Republican nomination for President later this year is the guy that I will support and vote for - unless it’s this guy.

10.  I can’t imagine living anywhere else than the great state of Florida for the rest of my Life.

OK club members - It’s that time again to mull over another interesting message that I received within my fortune cookie as part of my delicious Chinese Food Lunch today … but first if it’s Sunday it is “Meet The Press”.

‘You will take a chance on something in the near future.’

Let me tell you something here. If I’m not taking chances then I’m not taking risks. If I’m not taking risks then I’m not progressing forward and seizing those moments. I’m not making an impact. I’m not “Chasing Daylight”. God did not want us to be mundane mannequins. He wanted us to live. Jesus Christ died for us so that we could live. To be mundane is to be dying. I’m not about being mundane anymore. I have awoken. I’m on a journey. Moving forward. Taking chances.

1.  For the 2ND Sunday morning in a row we had showers during the two services as a cold front blew through. This is a powerful cold front. Temperatures could bottom out in the mid-to-upper-40s here in Homestead tomorrow and Tuesday morning with wind chills approaching the upper-30s !  BUNDLE UP !

2.  The Information & Sales tables have become stale and predictable. We had a short ‘think-tank’ session this morning with Anne, and we plan to begin making changes to it all starting next Sunday morning. We need to keep up with our neighbours over at the ‘Kids Life’ table which always looks new, exciting, and special.

3.  The maroon LPC ‘CHURCH ROCKS !‘ tee-shirts are a smash hit that keeps on multiplying. I must’ve seen at least 25 of them being worn all throughout the LPC complex. If you’re wondering how you can purchase one for yourself then wonder no further. Visit us at the new-and-improved Information & Sales tables next Sunday morning. We’ll set you up. It’s the fashion statement of the season !

4.  Moving the distribution of the weekly bulletins down to the pier door may have been a temporary fix, but I think that it worked out so good that it should be a permanent move. You grab a bulletin as you walk in to the theatre. How simple is that ?

5.  Lead Pastor Travis spoke on being cross-cultural. God created us all in His image, so to surround ourselves with only those who look, sound, act, and think like us is to diminish His creations. We need to mix ourselves up a bit with one another. The melting pot that is South Florida is a perfect place to do that. It’s what Heaven looks like. Different colours. Different accents. Different languages. Different opinions.

What ? - Fun & Fellowship 

When ? - Presidents Day, Monday February 18TH 2008, 10 AM - 6 PM

Where ? - Germain Arena, Estero Florida (between Naples & Fort Myers on I-75)

Free Admission !  Free Parking !

More Information

I WILL BE THERE !

TODAY I visited Monkey Jungle for the first time in nearly two years. I spent a good 2½-hours there walking around amongst the wildlife.

My thoughts:

1.  Monkeys are just like humans. They love to eat. They love to beg for food. They love to play. They love to jump around and have some fun. They tend to litter all over the place. They have a rank structure. They have political alliances. They have cliques. They have their bullies (fighters). They have their wimps (lovers). Monkeys are just like you and me.

2.  Maybe I should have visited the place last Saturday during the peak of my bad cold. That way I wouldn’t have smelled some of their scents. Then again perhaps their scents would have cleared up my nostrils and sinuses. Of course to truly appreciate the monkeys you’ve gotta smell them.

3.  When the bell rang the monkeys knew that it was time to head for the swimming pool for some delicious treats. After all there was a 10:00 show to put on. Monkeys will reach in to the water to pick-up the floating fruits, but if you throw in a hard-boiled egg the nearest monkey will dive in to the pool, go under the surface, retrieve the egg, come back over to land, and proceed to enjoy the egg. I wonder if they like deviled eggs ?

4.  Mei the Orangutan was sleeping in the hot South Florida sun and didn’t want to be bothered despite the large crowd of humans that were awaiting her to make a grande appearance before us. We made enough noise, and she finally woke up and came to. She knew what to do - climb up to her position. She knew what was waiting for her if she did that. She got her zesty orange. She adored it.

5.  38-year-old ‘King’ - the Western Lowland Gorilla - was nowhere to be found - until his buddy (trainer) found him and coaxed him over to make an appearance for the 11:00 show. It took him awhile to get on over to us, but once he did it was surely worth the wait. After walking like a human dude (one of his favourite tricks) he got his treat - a delectable banana. He peeled it like a human, ate it like a human, and then tossed the peel aside like a human. He then got what he was really looking for - a bag lunch - including the bag itself - chock-full of delicious items fit for immediate consumption. It was an instant picnic fit for the ‘King’.

Are you ready for some cooler nights aqui en Homestead ?

Fri. PM / Sat. AM - Lows in the upper-50s

Sat. PM / Sun. AM - Lows in the upper-50s

Sun. PM / Mon. AM - Lows in the lower-50s. Wind chills in the 40s.

Mon. PM / Tue. AM - Lows in the mid-50s

Tue. PM / Wed. AM - Lows in the upper-50s

If it’s Friday night then it must be time for my weekly round-up of what’s goin’ on at some of my favourite blogs:

• Travis is wondering if Homestead is about to embark on a second population boom.

• Jesse has finished designing his tattoo.

• Kelly’s daughters Kourtney and McKenna love to eat food.

• Ritz amused himself by playing a practical joke on a telemarketer.
  This blog entry has been awarded the ‘Friday Night Blogroll Review Funniest Entry Of The Week Award’.

• Nathan presented his ‘Quote Of The Month’.

• Chris Elrod is not going to Africa, but another Chris Elrod is. Don’t get the two of them confused.
  This blog entry was the runner-up for the ‘Friday Night Blogroll Review Funniest Entry Of The Week Award’.

• Phil is recovering from the flu.

703-378-7296 - HERNDON VIRGINIA

I’m not alone. Check out this long list of complaints or this long list of complaints regarding calls from this specific telephone number.

Get ready for the ‘triple-trifecta’ of Homestead’s worst drivers - caught on tape memory !

INCIDENT # 1
YESTERDAY afternoon while driving southbound on Homestead’s Speedway Boulevard between Mowry Drive and North Canal Drive I was driving peacefully in the right-hand lane when I saw a vehicle in my rear-view mirror rapidly approaching me from the rear. The driver was speeding out-of-control. At the last possible second the driver eased over into the left-hand lane (not completely), passed me, and then began easing back into the right-hand lane before he / she had even cleared my car. If there were three yardsticks attached to my car -  one each behind, to the side, and in front of it - all three of them would have been snapped off by this vehicle - one right after the other.

INCIDENT # 2
THIS afternoon while driving westbound on Biscayne Drive I was passed as if I were sitting still. The driver then eased on over to my lane, and got in the turning lane onto southbound Speedway Boulevard. The light was red. When the protected green arrow light came on he / she just sat there and ignored it. By the time he / she realized it the light had already turned into a yellow arrow. He / She proceeded through the dangerous intersection, and I followed closely behind him / her (with no more protected light). I barely made it onto Speedway Boulevard without getting hit by oncoming eastbound Biscayne Drive traffic. If you’re speeding out-of-control then pay attention when the light turns green so that you can get right back to your speeding out-of-control again. You are obviously in a hurry, so GO when the light turns GREEN !

INCIDENT # 3
The traffic light at the busy Homestead intersection of Kingman Road and North Canal Drive was on the ‘blink’ bright and early this morning. It was flashing yellow for North Canal Drive traffic, and flashing red for Kingman Road traffic. As I passed through it (with no traffic at 5:50 AM) the first thought that came to my mind was that there would be numerous accidents here if they didn’t get that light fixed pronto. This afternoon as I approached the intersection the Homestead Police Department was in full control of it waving motorists through - and around the fire engines, ambulances, police cars, mangled-up vehicles, and scattered debris in the roadway as a result of a bad accident (or two) there. Someone(s) obviously didn’t have a clue that a flashing red light means to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and then proceed when there is no traffic coming.

City Of Homestead Mayor Bell announced at last night’s City Council Meeting that a place just like this one up the road in Port St. Lucie could soon be coming to Homestead in the former location of the Homestead Bowling Center / Sports Page Pub. The owners would purchase and then completely renovate the existing location and transform it into a MASSIVE entertainment center for the whole family to include 48 lanes of bowling, minature golf, laser tag, batting cages, a giant arcade, billiards, and restaurants.

BRING IT ON !

This is not me.

Chicken & Broccoli With Pork Fried Rice & Won Ton Soup - It’s What Was For Lunch !

‘Now is the time to try something new.’

I tried something new last Friday. I took the day off from work, dug deep into my ‘Things-To-Do’ list, spent most of the day in Cutler Bay, helped out the local economy there, and proceeded to acquire a bad cold while doing so. Had I gone to work instead last Friday I would not have gotten a cold, but then again I wouldn’t have been introduced to my new good buddy Mr. Zicam. It’s the wonder drug !

I’ll try something new this upcoming Saturday morning (weather-permitting). Monkey Jungle here I come !

It’s the most talked-about blog entry of the week … It’s time once again for my most anticipated ‘Tuesday Night Grab Bag O’ Thoughts’ !

1.  Fred Thompson dropped out as a Presidential candidate earlier today. His run for the White House never really gained momentum. He actually had more momentum during the long period of time before he formally announced his candidacy about 4½ months ago. Ron Paul should do the same - drop out.

2.  Rachel and T.K. won “The Amazing Race 12” this past Sunday night. They deserved it. They came on strong at the very end. My favourites - Nicolas and Donald - faded fast at the end. Nick had a ‘brain dump’ at the memory puzzle. Pre-production on “The Amazing Race 13″ has already begun, and it may air this Summer or as part of the new Fall season in September.

3.  I turned my A.C. back on as soon as I got home from work this afternoon. It was a warm 78°F and a humid 62% in my living room. South Florida is back in the warm subtropical air again. The next shot of cooler air should arrive early on Friday morning and last about 24 hours.

4.  It’s Day 5 of my 2ND bad cold in less than 3 months, and I’d like to thank my good buddies Cold-Eeze, Airborne, and Zicam for helping me out over the past 5 days. I had planned to write the official obituary for this cold today, but its death has been greatly exaggerated.

5.  You know what we need here in Homestead ?  This place !  Put one on Campbell Drive across from the Homestead Hospital, and I’ll be there twice a week.

6.  Florida Highway Patrol troopers are the lowest-paid in the entire country. That’s a travesty. Only 92 of them are currently assigned to Miami-Dade County (down from 250 during the 1980s). That’s not right.

7.  “Land Of The Lost” was one of my favourite TV shows back during the mid-1970s. You can hear its memorable theme song here. That was from the first two seasons. The theme song lyrics changed a bit for the 3RD season. (Enter Uncle Jack.)

8.  It’s the road-streaking New York Football Giants up against the undefeated New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII on Sunday February 03RD in the Arizona desert. I’ll be rooting for the underdog ‘G-Men’ - representing the NFC East - home of my beloved Washington Redskins.

9.  I may have male-pattern baldness developing, but I refuse to give up the fight and shave it all off. If anything I plan to get less haircuts as I get older. I just don’t think that being completely bald is the way to go for me. It works fine for some people - like this dude - but then again I’ve never seen what he used to look like with hair.

10.  John 3:16 (New Living Translation, 2ND Edition) - “For God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.” We’re getting ready to start-up our weekly Life Groups again, and we’re going to concentrate on this one verse of the Scriptures over the course of 3 months via these resources. I can’t wait to get started !

It’s time to catch up again on current gasoline prices all across the great United States Of America.

Click here for a cool colour-coded map of our country that shows how much gas costs per gallon (on average) in each county (updated daily).

Are you looking for cheap gas ?  Look no further than selected portions of Wyoming and the Kansas City and St. Louis metro areas of Missouri. Gas there costs less than $2.73 per gallon.

The expensive gas - over $3.25 per gallon - can be found throughout much of northern and central California and upstate New York.

The rumours are true - South Florida has some of the most expensive gas in the country.

Q - How much to the British pay for regular unleaded gas ?
A - Current prices range from about $7.68 to about $8.44 per gallon. Source:  petrolprices.com

The first ‘Election Day’ of 2008 was held in my home early this afternoon, as I marked my absentee ballot appropriately, placed it in the secrecy envelope, inserted that in the mailing envelope, sealed the mailing envelope, and signed and dated it on the back. It goes in the mail bright and early tomorrow morning.

I voted for the Republican Presidential Candidate of my choice (easy selection), this Amendment to the Florida State Constitution, and 3 questions related to Miami-Dade County including this one on slot machines.

For those of you who vote the old-fashioned way (in-person) early voting is currently in-progress at selected locations all across the great state of Florida, and the official Election Day is just 8 days away next Tuesday January 29TH 2008.

Miami-Dade County Florida Elections Web Page

It’s the 4TH full day of my long holiday weekend, and this morning I woke up shortly after 5 AM nice and refreshed. It’s my usual wake-up time for a regular weekday morning, and even though today is a Federal holiday I decided to get back into the groove of waking up at the time that I need to wake up for the remainder of this work week.

I went to Publix - where shopping is a pleasure - shortly after they opened up for business at 7 AM. Over the next half-hour I proceeded to swoop-up what turned out to be over $73 in quality groceries. In a fact that may make my dear friends Venus and Kristine cringe that included over $35 in frozen and microwavable foods. Cooking ?  What’s that ? 

GOOD SERVICE ALERT:  For the first time ever my groceries were actually taken out to my car for me. This was the rule for years - not the exception - at the original Publix at the Homestead Towne Square Shopping Center on Useless-One, but for the other two newer Publix locations (at Oasis and at Waterstone) this ‘grocery take-out’ service pretty much did not exist. I was rather surprised when it occurred this morning.

After Publix I went to McDonald’s armed with a coupon - a free Egg McMuffin with the purchase of one. Of course using a coupon at McDonald’s threw the entire store into a mass state of chaotic confusion. All I heard was the word ‘PROMO !’ yelled over and over again, and nobody knew how to deal with such a crisis of mass proportions. Eventually a manager came to the rescue and sorted it all out. Am I the only one in Homestead who has used a coupon at that particular McDonald’s ?  Let’s get it together over there !  I’m coming back later this week with another coupon for $1 off a flavoured iced coffee !

I’m back at home now. I had actually planned to do a very special edition of ‘The Major’s Walk-A-Thon’ LIVE and on-location from Monkey Jungle; however, the weather is not cooperating, and the last place that I wish to be during the recovery stages of my cold is in the middle of a chilly windswept downpour downwind from hundreds of wet monkeys !  Maybe I’ll check out the monkeys this upcoming Saturday morning. Stay tuned.